


The Contrast In Our Eyes

by beanamericanidiot (Mickie_Rage)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A.U., AU, Angst, Destiel - Freeform, F/F, F/M, M/M, Smut, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 12:29:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5540024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mickie_Rage/pseuds/beanamericanidiot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are always small things in life that we remember and keep with us. It can be such a small, tiny, insignificant memory, and it never leaves your mind. I remember the way he smelled. The way his cheeks lifted and his eyes crinkled when he laughed.</p>
<p> I can remember the way he rolled his eyes at me when he thought I was being ridiculous. The way he ate burgers, the way he bit his lip when he was deep in thought. I can remember the little things. I remember the time we argued over which band was better, Cream or The Ramones.</p>
<p> I remember sitting on a dock with him by my side, the strength and warmth of his heartbeat. It's the little things that count more than the big ones. </p>
<p>It's the big things that hurt the most. The way we dwindled away, after the accident. The way I dwindled away. I remember the shattered flower vase and the scattered pictures on the floor. </p>
<p>I remember the pain we both felt. I remember the deafening silences, and all the words I should have said. God, the things I would do just to have him here with me. </p>
<p>Dean Winchester.</p>
<p>Dean Winchester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted by me, but due to the fact that I am literally a piece of shit, I accidentally abandoned (orphaned?) my work. So this was all started by me. Thankfully, I have a my back up chapters on my google drive. And I'm always looking for positive and constructive feedback. If you have any questions about the story you can contact me through my social media accounts. 
> 
> F.A.Q.'s
> 
> Can I post this story on a different platform if I give credit?
> 
> No, I have a the same story on Wattpad that I keep updated at the same time with this one. If you wish to share this story (hopefully you do!) just send them a link to the original work, here on AO3
> 
> Are you currently looking for a beta/ proofreader?
> 
> Yes, I am. Since this is my first time writing fanfiction to such an extent, I would appreciate a beta. Message me on either Kik or Tumblr if you are interested.
> 
> What are some facts about [you] the author?
> 
> I'm not a particularly interesting person, I just enjoy writing and destiel. So I figured, "Why the hell not?" I live in Kansas (Where the Winchesters are from) and I am 15 years old. I am a High School Sophomore and I plan on majoring in either film or journalism.
> 
> Are the places in the story based on real events/place?
> 
> Some of them are, almost all of the places are real, but 85% of the events are made up. If you have any questions about certain places or events feel free to ask me on my Kik or tumblr.
> 
> Thank You for reading! Please Enjoy and spread the story!
> 
> Social Media:  
> Kik: mickie_rage  
> Tumblr: beanamericanidiot.tumblr.com

CHAPTER ONE  
2564  
The summer of 2015 was called the "Summer of Love". It was a big year for all of Kansas City, I guess. It was the summer when the Winchesters moved to Kansas City. I didn't know much about Dean when he moved here. I knew that he liked to party, had lived in Lawrence for most of his life, and I knew that he had to pick up a lot of missing pieces after his father died, just two years ago.

Kansas City, Missouri was my hometown. I was born there and grew up there. I honestly can't think of a better city to live in. Kansas City had the culture, the people and the best brewery and coffee shops. There are different neighborhoods in KCMO. There is the hipster and artist neighborhood, called Westport. They have tattoo parlors, beauty shops and bars. There's the power and light district, it has all the hotels, concert arenas and expensive luxury food. There's the Plaza area, it has tons of shops and bookstores and food. It's pretty easy to relate it to a beautiful outdoor mall. Then there's the West Side area. It's considered the "ghetto" area. Violence was at an all time high there that summer.

The west side area may have been full of danger but it was probably the best area to live. It was pretty shitty but the people there were very close. It was a tight knit neighborhood. Dean lived in that area. I lived in Westport.

I grew up in a religious household. My mother, Rosalind, was a very Christian woman. She believed that our household should be Judeo-Christian. A mix between Judaism and Christianity. I was named after the archangel Cassiel. The angel of solitude and tears. Which is exactly what I had after I told her I was gay.

Shortly after she found out, she kicked me out of the house at age 17. She was one of the many people who believed that my profound "gayness" was a sin. I moved in with my friend Charlie who was a few years older than me. Shes 22, and lives with her mom near the plaza district. I got a job at the record store in downtown Westport. I worked there from Monday- Thursday from 5pm- 10pm. The pay was pretty crappy, but at least I got an employee discount.

When I wasn't working, I usually played video games with Charlie, or went into the city to take photos. I loved my Kansas City. My dad once told me that if you added more than you took away, the odds would almost always end up in your favor. Now that I'm older I realize the key word in that sentence: Almost.

My dad was a very good man. He always knew how to sympathize with people and how to make everything good again, even if you're in a totally fucked up situation. I called him the righteous man. He'd just laughed. I think that if he were still alive, he wouldn't have let mom kick me out of the house. After he died, Mother turned into a bitter woman. She stopped doing all the things that she loved. Which meant no more baking, no more scrapbooking, no more gardening, reading, writing and absolutely no more caring. 

My mother loved to cook. Granted, she was a horrible baker and an even worse chef, but she always tried added that extra universal ingredient, so we ate it anyway. She loved to garden. We had the best garden on the whole street. The other stay-at-home-mom's were jealous. She was envied.

There are still times when I look back at the person she once was, the person I once was, and I laugh. Life had its simplicities and its hardships. Life used to be one big lazy Sunday, but then I grew up. I discovered things about myself that I never thought I would discover. 

I first knew I was gay when I saw two men kissing for the very first time. I was 13 and as soon as I saw then kiss, I realized that I wanted to kiss someone like that too. I kissed countless amounts of girls, but no kiss could ever measure to the one I saw the two men share.

I kissed a boy for the first time when I was a high school freshman. It was the worst kiss ever. He was slobbery and handsy. I thought I would never meet anyone that I could share a perfect kiss with until I met up with a boy at a party. We played spin the bottle and it was the best kiss I'd ever had. So far at least. He was gay as well and we dated for a while behind my mom and dad's back. But then the accident happened. I broke it off immediately.

The pain was all too real.

••••••••••••

2562

The worst part of working at a record store, was the dust. When donated records came in, I was the one who cleaned them. Which meant I was constantly sneezing. What a lovely combination. I always brought my allergy medicine with me, but today was the day I forgot all about it. Since I was the only one working that day, I couldn't just drop everything and go back home. I had to suffer through it.

The front bell dings loudly in the quiet shop. I look around the corner of the break room at an overly cheery redhead. She looks around the shop, inspecting it through squinty eyes. Her eyes finally landed on me, she gave me a warm smile.

"What up, bitch?" She walks over and leans over the counter, snatching up a lollipop before I can stop her. I laugh, unamused.

"Hey Charlie, what's up?" She humpfs at me and bites on her lollipop. She gives me a look of rejection.

"Remember that Cashier from Town Topics?" I laugh at the thought.

"How could I forget?"

"She wasn't interested in me or my totally awesome Hermione figurines." I laugh and grab a lollipop for myself.

"Oh no, not the Hermione figurines." She laughs and looks down at her worn yellow Chucks. 

"How did she react to the Star Trek posters in the living room?" She laughs even harder, her head thrown back. 

"You wanna know what she said?!" She turns to me with an incredulous face.

"What did she say?"

"She said, and I quote 'Star Trek? Oh, I love that movie! May the force be with you.' Can you believe that!" She looks genuinely peeved. I groan.

"Then she wasn't worth it, Don't worry Charles, well find you a lady worthy of your courting." She giggles, "Anyone that can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek isn't worth the Heartache." She coos at me.

"Aww, Cassie that's so sweet! Tonight we will celebrate our gayness with take out and a movie. Sound good?"

"Sounds great." She pets the top of my head. I swat her hand. 

"Well, I'll leave you to it, I gotta go run some errands before all the shops close at the Plaza. Want anything in particular while I'm out?"

I ponder, "popcorn, a new book and beef jerky. But make sure it's the Jail Time brand!" She laughs.

"Okay, Castiel. I'll see you at home. Oh and I almost forgot." She rummages through her Alice in Wonderland themed bad. I hear coins clinking against each other in the bag. Her eyes widen and she smiles triumphantly. She pulls out a tiny blue and purple bottle of pills. My Allergy meds. 

"You're the best Charlie!" I hug her from over the counter and take the pills from her hand.

"I know I am. See you in a bit."

"Bye," I hear the doorbell ding as she leaves the shop. I watch her hop on her bike and ride away.

I make my way back into the break room and take a bottle of water out of the fridge. I plop onto the chair next to the cash register and down my pills and water.

I grab a case of used records and start to dust them off. Occasionally getting dust in my eyes and nose. I hear the door chime, looking up, I groan. 

"Hey Castiel." I look down at the register. Avoiding conversation with these douches. To be more specific, the douches from my school. The leader of their stupid clique stood Dustin, you're average horny fuck boy. His stoner wingman Anthony, and the narssicist Johnny. They all thing that they are the fucking kings of my school. And in reality, they are. As long as there are people to walk over and a high standard to keep, anyone can be a king. Take Bush for example, everyone thought he was cool, and boy did he show everyone wrong.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!"


	2. Chapter Two

CHAPTER TWO

His fist collided with the tabletop, making me jolt back in surprise. His eyes met mine. 

"Aren't you gonna say anything," he paused and gave me a smug smile, "fag?"

His breath smelled like late afternoon coffee, and not the good kind. I wrinkled my nose in distaste. 

"Can I help you?" I said it firmly, and politely, deciding to take the high road.

He grinned an arrogant smile, and nodded. "I wanna get my girl a gift, she's been wanting a new record." He turned around to flip through a crate of new records, he picked up a brand new Coldplay album. He held it up and inspected it, he turned his head towards me, "How much for this one?" I looked at the tag on the crate from where I stood. "$18.59."

He handed me a twenty and the record. I rung him and held out his change. He laughed darkly and snatched them away from me. "Wouldn't want to catch the gay fever." The rest of the boys chuckled to themselves. I looked down at my scuffed shoes until I heard the bell ring, indicating that they'd left. 

I sighed out, letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I grabbed my bottle of water shakily and took a small sip. I felt tears prickle the back of my eyes. I hated to look weak, to act weak. I just wished I could stand up for myself without the fear of getting hurt. 

I finished up the rest of my shift with no problems at all. I closed up the shop and locked it up. I left through the back door, locking that too. I walked and whistled through the back alley, Kicking a soda can. I crossed the alley and started my walk home. 

Usually I would catch a taxi but it was really nice out tonight, the traffic was at a minimum and I could hear the cicadas buzzing. It was a little humid, but otherwise it felt nice.

I heard music pouring out into the street, from a local Mexican cantina. It smelled like homemade tortilla chips and salsa. The lights were blinking in the window, onto the pavement. I felt alive. 

The wind blew my hair away from my face. I ran my fingers through my hair, and grinned to myself. I slowly started to enter the darker parts of the street. The scarier parts.

 

The wind was a bit more chilling now, I tightened my coat around myself. As I walk down the street the wind continues to push against me. I pause and listen out, I could have sworn I heard something. I turn around and see a man in an alley way, sobbing. It scares the shit out of me.

He pounds his fist on the side of an abandoned house. He can't see me yet, I'm hidden in the shadows. He continues to sob, his forehead is leaning into the side of the house. His breathing is ragged and he pushes himself off the house, and gathers himself together, that's when I see the rope. In the shape of a noose. He starts to walk off with his bowlegs. Then he sees me. He stops.

His eyes were red, he wore jeans, boots a T-Shirt and plaid. He looked me up and down. I felt shy all of the sudden. He was beautiful, even in the unflattering yellow lighting and his puffy eyes. He was gorgeous.

He licks his lips and looks down at the ground and starts to walk away. He walks right past me and continues down the road, rope in hand. His plaid shirt blows in the wind behind him. I just watched him walk away. 

I ran for him, he was about to turn the corner when I bumped into him. He gave me an angry look. "What do you want," He asked. His voice was hoarse and raspy. I bit my lip and tried to fall instep beside him, his stride was faster than mine.

"I-um," he gave me a pointed look. "My name's Castiel.. What's yours?" He hesitated before asking me, " Why are you asking?" I looked around for a reason to be asking this question, "No reason, I just, uh, really like your shirt." His eyes shifted down to his Metallica T-shirt. He scoffed, " Yeah, thanks."

We turned down a corner that led to an empty lot with trees growing tall. No one would see us if we went in the back. "I'm Dean Winchester." he said it quietly. His face was masked by the dark. I could barely see. 

"So-um, what are you doing Dean?" He held his rope up to my eye level, "What's it look like I'm doing?" He glared at me pointedly. I nervously chuckled, "Sorry, dumb question." He turned around continued down the way.

It was darker back here. If anything happened, no one would or see us. The thought of it gave me the creeps. I looked around and Dean was no longer in my sight. I started to panic.

"Dean," I looked at the surroundings, there were trees everywhere . "Where are you?" I stayed as still as possible, in hopes of hearing him. I started to jog thought the mass of trees, until I found him in the very back of the woodsy lot, he was sipping on a flask.

I stared at his eyes under the dim light, they were no longer red and puffy, just a dull saddening green. They were beautiful nonetheless. He stiffened, but didn't make a move against my actions, as I sat beside him under the tree. Instead he handed me the flask.

I was about to hold my hand up as a 'no thanks' but I took the flask and downed a small sip of what tasted like bourbon. I gritted my teeth and handed him the flask, wiping the remains off of my mouth with my sleeve.

"So, Dean, what's your story?" I continued to stare off into the space in front of me. He looked at me curiously, and ignored my question, and instead answered with a question. "Why are you still here?"

I paused before answering, "This isn't the answer, Dean," he coughed in surprise, but didn't stop me. 

"I know that, right now it might seem like the only escape, but it's not. Its not the end, and this road that you're on might seem like it's going nowhere, but you're not. You have to find something better. There has to be something better for you. Someone, or something. You're not alone." I hesitated beofre continuing, "You know, you're not the only one with these feelings, you just have to be one of the strong ones. You have to face this darkness, head on." I willed for him to stop me, but he didn't, so I kept on going. I stood up and stared to pace around.

"Its not the answer. It never is, and if you do this, you're letting all the people, who ever told you that you were nothing.. You're letting them win Dean. You can't let them win, you have to show them you're more than the words they say. You ha-"

I got cut off by Dean, his lips were on mine. I gasped and pushed him off. He was electric. "Shit. I'm sorry, I'm just-" this time he was cut off by me. I kissed his lips feverishly. 

My hands brought his face as close as possible, he kissed me back with the same amount of need. His hands gripped my sides. I wrapped my arms around his neck. 

His kiss was persistent, but surprisingly tender. His hands slid down to my lower back. I gasped out and enjoyed all these sensations. I moved my lips to his neck, and felt his body, his very muscular body, go rigid at the feel of my tongue and teeth leaving little hickeys in there wake.

He groaned out and nibbled my earlobe. I responded with a burning passion. He was so close, but I couldn't get enough of the man who was just about to kill himself, only moments ago. I brought my lips back to his.

His lips were slightly swollen, as were mine. His lips were soft, He was solid and warm in my arms, but he was mysterious and hard to put together. He was a constellation. 

He was the first to pull away, his forehead rested against mine. I closed my eyes. We were both breathless. Our breathing was ragged and untimely, but he didn't seem to care. I opened my eyes to meet his green ones.

He stared at me and gave me one last kiss. He backed away from me and left without another word.

I was alone now, lost in thought. I leaned against the tree and saw it. He left the flask on the ground, I picked it and shook it lightly. 

Instead of feeling half empty, it was half full.

••••••••••••

I waited in the back of those stupid woods for a long time, just thinking. When I finally left the lot, I started the walk home. Charlie would be waiting for me. We made plans to watch movies and eat take out.

“Shit!” I started walking a bit faster, remembering what exactly I had to do. Charlie was probably worried by now. I know I would be, if roles were reversed. Charlie was my best friend in the entire world. I can't imagine what my life would have ended up like had I not had her. She was the only person I could trust.

I saw the flashing lights of the Chinese Restaurant. I sped up a bit more, checking my phone for the time.

Just in time. The place closes at 11:15 so I felt pretty content with my myself. I walked into the warm restaurant with confidence, until the temperature change hit the glasses on my face, making them fog.

“Fuck,” I said to myself. I took off the glasses and shoved them into my jacket pocket. The woman behind the counter looked at me with annoyance. Most likely because of my choice in words. 

“Hi.” I gave her a polite smile. Her face remained placid, but held a single, daring smirk. 

“How can I help you, young man?” She was rather pretty. Her skin was clear and round. Her eyes were a creamy brown, and her hair was dark brown. Her figure was rather curvy. If I swang that way, I have no doubt that I would be attracted to her.

Her smirk widened in realization, she thought I was checking her out. 

“What can I get you today?” She gave me a small smile. Her southern drawl was undeniable.

“Can I get two orders of General Tao’s Chicken, with a side of Crab Rangoons and White Rice?” Her smile slightly faltered, but only for a second. 

“Oh, so you're not eating alone?” Her eyes went from the bottom of my shoes to the top of my head. Giving me the once-over.

“No, just me and a friend tonight.” 

“So that'll be a take out order?”

“Yeah.”

“I'll be needing a name, sweetheart,” she said, opening a sharpie with her teeth. The other hand holding a folded brown bag.

“It’s Castiel.” Her smile widened as I said my name. 

“Alright Clarence, it'll be out soon.” 

••••••••••••

I carried the warm brown bag all the way back to our apartment. It smelled like heaven.

As soon as I got back to the apartment, Charlie attacked me with questions.

“Where have you been, Cassie?” Her face look strained and her eyes held worry.

“I'm sorry, Charlie. I had to stay a bit later than expected. I had to finish polishing the records.” As soon as I said it, I felt regret. I've never been good at lying.

Her eyes inspected my face, clearly not buying my excuse. She was about to say something, but I cut her off before she could say a word. 

“I got your favorite. General Tao's Chicken!” Her face lit up.

“Thanks Castiel. When you're done come help me pick out a movie. I'm feeling Tim Burton-y tonight.”

We sat down in the small living room, she sat on the couch, I sat on the floor. We ended up watching, Edward Scissorhands. It was one of my favorite Tim Burton movies.

My mind was still reeling at the thought of Dean. His lips were soft and warm. The smell of him ran through my brain. Overwhelming. Dean was overwhelming.


	3. Chapter Three

CHAPTER THREE  
2557

For the past few days, the only thing that I could think of was Dean, and those goddamn eyes. Jesus, they were so green. I've never seen eyes that green before. How do you even begin to describe that color of green?

I'm interrupted from my thoughts when a man comes and asks to be checked out. He buys a pack of gum and a used Beatles album. He thanks me and walks out with the bell ringing behind him.

I put on some music, just to pass the time. I flip through some of the records. The Beatles, Nirvana, The Ramones, Kansas, and Cream. I decide to listen to the one and only Cream. Sunshine of Your Love to be more exact. Eric Clapton was a genius when it came to the guitar.

I hum along to the song and start to put the other records away, starting with the A’s. I hear door open with it's chiming bell. My back is facing the door, so I can't see who it is, but I continue to stack the records.

“Hello, Welcome to Young Parade Vinyl. Just let me know when you're ready to be rung up.” I hear footsteps approach, and suddenly a hand reaches by my face and grabs a record. I flinch with suprise. Then I hear it, a deep throaty chuckle. As soon as I hear it, I tense up.

“Hiya. Remember me?” I slowly turn around and face the voice. 

“Hi, Dean.” He smiles a cheeky grin. He looks well. His skin is a light shade of tan, and he still has bags beneath his eyes, but they're less noticeable now.

“So this is where you work?” He walks away from me and looks around with the single record still in his hand. AC/DC. The same hands that held my body so close to his. The hands that I still felt ghost around my waist.

“Yeah, this is uh-” He turned around from the crate of records he was flipping through. ‘Damn those eyes’, I thought to myself. it had to be a sin to be that attractive. “This is where I work.” He gave the shop a nod of approval. 

“Not bad.” He smiles at me. A small one. He started to close the distance between us.

One step. My right hand twitched at the sound of his heavy work boots hitting the floor.

Two steps. He licked his lips, the same pair of lips that collided with mine only days ago.

Three steps. I can hear the blood rushing to my face in a blush. My blood is roaring in comparison to the quiet music playing. 

“I've been waiting so long.” Cream fills the room with a lovely sound. Dean hears the song, a flicker of recognition crosses his face. 

“Cream, right?” I nod in response. 

His eyes look down at my lips. He hums along to the song.

“To be where I'm going..” The guitar sounds radiate in the room. He sings aloud. “...In the sunshine of your love”

It's amazing how different he is from the first time I saw him. Just a few days ago, he was in a self dug hole of depression. And now, he's here singing along to a song about sex and love. Fucking Incredible.

He stops suddenly and looks at me curiously. 

“What,” I ask. “What's wrong?”

He trains his eyes on mine, holding me a slave in his eyesight.

“I'm sorry, but it's just-” he breaks his heavy glance from me, looking down shyly. Then he runs a hand through his hair before looking back up at me. “You're eyes, are so fucking blue.”

I feel the scarlet blush run up my neck and fill my cheeks. “Thank you.” I cough awkwardly and step backward.

He gives me a wink and sits on a chair in the corner. I pace around the store, trying to get back to a normal skin color.

“So,” he says. He takes the record out and examines it under the light coming from the gallery window. The light hits his face making it all shadows and highlights. His eyelashes cast shadows on his cheekbones. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

As soon as he says it I stop pacing and l look him in the eyes. 

“That’d probably be for the best.” The words barely come out in a whisper. He walks over to the record player and switched the music off. The grabs a chair and drags it over to where I'm standing. He points to the chair he was just sitting in. “Sit down.” He said.

I sit in the chair with a sigh, sinking into it. He pulls the chair forward and sits on it backwards. My chair is still a bit warm from Dean. 

“Alright, I'll start off by saying thank you.” He moves his hands as he talks. But I barely notice, I'm still completely shocked by what he said. 

“What?” My voice shows my astonishment. His eyes shift to the window. I expected him to come in here, say that what happened was a mistake. That what happened was just an accident and he didn't want anything to do with me. But now, here he is thanking me, Castiel James Novak.

“I wanted to say thank you, for talking me out of- of that. If it weren't for you, I would be dead.” His words hit me like a ton of bricks.

“I- you- um- what?” He chuckles as my half hearted stutter of a response. My palms start to itch as he wrings out his hands.

“Listen, Castiel,” he scoots his chair closer to mine. By heart beat picks up as he does so. “I have a brother, Sammy,” he looks towards the window again, and smiles at the thought of his brother. “He's only 16, and I love him to death. And-” he gets up from his chair and walks over to the counter leaning against it, as if it's the only thing that's holding him down to earth.

“Dammit, Castiel. He's just so smart. He's got a future ahead of him. One hell of a future. It'd be a shame if I wasn't there to see it.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath.

I went to where he stood and put my hand on his shoulder. “ Hey,” he looked up at me with nothing but absolute pain in his eyes. “You have nothing to thank me for. It wasn't me that made you stop. It was you. You made that decision, okay?”

His eyes searched mine before letting out a small “Okay.” I gave him a small smile. I then went behind the counter and turned the music back on.

“How about some Simon and Garfunkel?” I asked. His cheeks lifted into a smile. 

“Yeah, Bridge Over Troubled Water sounds good right now.” I put it on and the music filled the empty corners of the room.

“So, how old are you Castiel?” I turn to face him, he's adjusting the sleeves on his shirt.

“I'm uh, I'm 18.” I stutter on my words. “How about you?”

“I'm 20.” His eyes roam my body, giving me the chills. I shy away from his stare. He notices and gives me a curious smile.

“What?” He comes to stand closer to me. I gulp in embarrassment. 

“Nothing.” He can tell I'm lying.

“Castiel, how many people have you been with?” His hand thumbs over the hem of my shirt. My neck and cheeks start to burn.

“And by people I've been with, you mean…?”

His finger touches the skin of my stomach. I give a sharp intake of air. He backs away giving me a little bit more air to breathe. 

“I mean, how many guys have you fucked?”

My eyes bulge with shock. How could he be so forward to a person about their sex life when they've only know each other for less than an hour.

“I don't think it's any of your business.” He tsk tsks me and gives me another smile. Damn Dean with his wicked eyes and mind-fucking-boggling smile.

“Don't you think you kinda made it my business when you made out with me in that lot?” He leans against the counter and fumbles at the records waiting to be cleaned and organized. 

“Oh c’mon! That doesn't count.” He raises his eyebrows at me, but otherwise doesn't falter.

“Oh yes it did. You wouldn't have done it if you didn't want it too.” Unbelievable.

“Listen, I know you are thankful for what I said. But what happened in that lot, that was not supposed to happen.” He doesn't seem to even be phased by what I said. Like he knows exactly what I'm thinking, and exactly how this is gonna end. I want to kiss the fucking stars out of your eyes, I think to myself.

“So if I told you, that I've been thinking about you constantly for the past week, you would think nothing of it?” His tongue runs along his bottom teeth. Fuck, this man might be the death of me.

“J-Jesus Christ,” my breath loud in the quiet, music filled room. But in that moment, I know that I'm dead wrong about Dean. 

I know that he isn't some broken shell of a man, he's not a suicidal mess. He's just doing what we all do, he's getting by as best as he can. He's just being Dean Winchester. 

And as I grab him by the front of his jacket, I know that there's nothing wrong with Dean, and what happened the other day, was just a fault line in his life.

And as I stand on the toes of my worn out Chuck Taylors, breathing in his intoxicating smell, leather and mint. I know that he doesn't want me to see him as just another statistic, or an unstable depressed dog.

Dean doesn't want pity, or attention. He just wants to lead a good life. His only problem is getting to deeply involved with his mind. To involved in the dark matters of his life. 

And as I feel his arms wrap around my middle, anchoring me to him, I know that there is no way in hell that I will be the first to let go. I know how his mind works, pained and charred memories are what hold him back. Just like me. I know what he's dealing with. He's not alone.

And then his lips collide with mine. And suddenly, everything's okay. It's all alright. Dean Winchester, the man with stars for eyes, ghosts for hands and lavender for lips is kissing me.

Then, there's no doubt in my mind, that this man would make stars collide, and connect the constellations in the sky.

“Fuck you.” I whisper along his lips. He just smiles against my urgent kisses before reconnecting our stars.

••••••••••••

2443

In the weeks after our second meeting, Dean and I spent a lot of time together. It was very different. Having someone you could just talk to and want nothing more than to just listen to their voice.

Dean was a very talkative person, whereas I was a pretty quiet person. So having him around was a nice way to fill in the quiet spaces in my life. 

There was nothing before Dean. For me, there has always been a difference between being alive and living. Before Dean, I was only living. And now, I feel electric and alive. I feel like there's so much fucking hope.

Falling in love with Dean Winchester was like seeing the sun for the first time. You had no idea what it was, but when you saw it, and felt the heat radiate on your skin, you knew what it was. Love, in the rawest, most bare form of itself.

It's times like now, when Dean and I just lie down on the hard wooden floor of my living room with a record player above our heads, filling the room with music, that I know how bright the sun can be.

My eyes rest sleepily as the soft words of “Simple Man” seep through the speakers. Dean’s by my side just staring at me.

“You know,” I turn over to face him. “A wise man once said,” I plant a small kiss on his lips, he grips my arm and stares up at me adoringly. “‘Take a picture, it'll last longer.’”

He laughes at my words. 

“Why take a picture when I have the real thing right here next to me?” He sits up and kisses me again, tenderly. I just smile. He pulls me into his chest.

“God, Cas. Where have you been my whole life?” His eyes are soft as he looks into mine. I grin at the nickname he gave me. It just flowed out of his mouth so easily and so sweetly.

“I'm here now, aren't I?” I try to play it off, but the truth is, I've been thinking the same thing. How could someone like Dean, NOT be in my life up until this point? Where has he been my whole life? How could I ever have missed his green eyes?

“Then don't leave.” His fingers intwine with mine, holding on as if I'd disappear into thin air. 

“Never.” His heart is beating fast inside his chest, as if he's scared that my response would have gone against his request. But now, in this moment, I'm more scared of the fact that I could never leave Dean. I'm scared of being this in love with someone. 

The record comes to stop, making the room irritatingly quiet. I manage to peel myself away from Dean to choose a new record.

“Any requests?” He wraps his arms around my waist and hugs me from behind, resting his head in the crook of my neck. 

“Please come over to my place. Spend the night?” He starts to nibble at my ear and suck on my neck. I close my eyes and rest my hands on his. 

“I can't. You and I both know if I go to your place, not very much will get done.” He hums in response. That's exactly what he wants. I turn around in his arms to face him. 

“Dean, I can't. Not tonight at least. Tomorrow.” He sighs and looks at me. 

“Please? I wanna wake up to you in my bed, all laid out for me.” He runs a thumb across my bottom lip, making me quiver.

“Dean,” I give him small peck before playfully slapping his ass. “Not tonight.” I unwrap myself from his arms before he can do anything to get back at me.

“You're such a tease.” He pinches my cheek. I slap his hand away.

“But I'm your tease!” He laughs. I grab his wrist and check his watch.

“Shit! Dean, it's three o'clock! You have to be at work soon!”

“I still have a while.” His lips suck on my jawline. “I'd rather be with you.”

A small smile reaches my lips. I give in and embrace him in my arms, letting go of a long sigh.

“I know. Maybe after work you can come over? Charlie and I were planning on watching my favorite movie.”

“And which movie would that be?”

“Tim Burton’s ‘Big Fish’”

“I'll be there.”

His started littering my face with soft kisses. I laughed as his fingers started tickling my sides. “I'm going to kill you, Dean!”

He gave my sides one last squeeze before backing away.

“I gotta go, I have to stop by my apartment before heading over to the garage.” He goes to scoop up his keys from the countertop.

“What time do you get off tonight?” He gives me a smirk.

“Around 10.” He runs a hand through his hair and rubs his eye. I can tell he's tired.

“Why so tired?”

“I'm not really tired, just relaxed.” He gives me a lazy smile. I squeeze his arms. 

“Well, I'll see you after work. Bring some popcorn with you. We ran out yesterday”

“Okay. I gotta go. I'll see you in a bit,” He pauses and kisses me.“ I love you.”

Those are the damn words that have been driving me crazy for the past month. From the first time he said them, I fell in love with the words themselves.

“I know. I love you too.” He grins a big goofy smile and gives me one last kiss before heading out the door. I run over to the window and wait. 

Everytime Dean leaves the apartment, I wave goodbye and flip him off. This time is no different. He sees me, returns my hand signals with a smile and gets in his car.   
I roll my eyes at the way he revs his car, just for me and watch as he speeds down the road.

I back away from the window and head to my room. Charlie doesn't get home until 4, so I decide to turn in some music and wash the dishes. They've been piling up for a while now, so I might as well get them out of the way.

I start to set the water and let it run for a while until it gets hot. I plug the drain and let the sink fill with hot water and soap. My mind starts to drift away.

••••••••••••

“Fuck, Cas.” He moaned into my ear. We were in the back of his car, making out. It was hot outside and the AC of the Impala was blasting out cold air. We were parked at an old abandoned movie drive-in. His hand palmed the front of my jeans, making me gasp.

“Dean,” My hips rutted against his hand. I gripped at his shoulders, nails digging into them. “Fuck me.”

I could feel his smile against my jaw. I pushed his jacket off of his shoulders, he shrugged it off and started to unbutton his shirt.

He bent back down to kiss me. I slided my hands across his chest up to his neck and around his shoulders. I couldn't get enough of him.

He squeezed at my thigh, making me laugh. He knew I was ticklish. I wrapped my legs around his waist. Our cocks touched through our jeans, making me moan and buck my hips.

He kissed my neck as I started to unbutton his jeans. As he wiggled out of them, I started to undress myself, but he grabbed my hand in protest. 

His eyes were hazy with lust. “I plan on fucking you until your throat is raw from all the moaning.” I pawed at his dick through his boxers. He groaned out with want.

“I didn't expect anything less, especially from you.” He smiled and started to take off my shirt and jeans. His hands worked at my jeans with agonizingly slow speed. 

“Such a fucking tease,” I whispered out. He kissed my hip before taking them off completely. I reached into his boxers and gave his dick a small squeeze. He moaned into my ear. 

His lips worked their way down to the waistband of my boxers, snapping the elastic back with his teeth. I squirmed under his touch. 

“Ah. Dean, please. Make me come.” His hand pulled down my boxers, exposing myself to him. His warm breath made my cock twitch. He grabbed my dick with one hand and licked my slit.

I moaned out at an embarrassing volume. But I couldn't find it in myself to care, because this was Dean, and he was all I could find myself to care about.

I panted as his tongue licked it's way up from the base of my dick to the head of it. He moaned out and I felt the vibrations deep inside my cock. 

He took my whole cock in his mouth and started to suck. My hips bucked off the seat and gripped at the back of his head, fingers curling into his hair.

“Mmm, Dean.” He sucked until my precome filled his mouth. His dick was hot and hard as it resisted the cloth of his boxers. I reached out at grabbed his throbbing cock, teasing the head of it with my thumb.

“Dammit, Cas,” he hissed out. I grinded my hips with his.

“Dean, please. Make me come. Just fuck me.” He took off his boxers, and bent down to grab something out of his jacket, now thrown uselessly on the ground. I saw what it was, lube.

He squeezed out some of the jelly and slicked himself up, before putting some on his fingers. He gave me a mischievous look before teasing my hole with a slick covered finger.

I moaned out at his touch, my back arched off the seat. He teased for a moment before sticking a single finger inside.

“Shit Cas. You're so tight.” He used his other hand to squeeze my hip. I panted as the wet heat inside me started to ascend. He added another finger and stared to pump them slowly.

“Jesus Christ, Dean” my hips rolled against his and our cocks touched. He hissed out at the sensation. 

He removed his fingers and positioned his dick outside of my sensitive hole. He gave me an encouraging smile before saying, “Deep breaths, okay?” 

Then he was inside of me. My hole burned at the feeling of being split open so suddenly. I squeezed my eyes shut in pain.

“I know, it's okay. Just give it a minute. You'll get used to it.”

I nodded and slowly he pumped his dick inside of me. After a while, it hurt less and my pain filled groans turned into pleasure riddled moans.

“Touch me.” He bent down and kissed me, sliding his hands up and down my sides, giving me goosebumps.

His hot breath hit my neck, I could hear every little groan that came out of his mouth as he pumped inside of me. Then, he hit a spot inside of me that struck a chord.

“Oh my god, Dean.” I whined out, he was so good. His cock felt so fucking good. I wanted to come so bad.

Dean brought a hand down to my dick and jerked it in time to his pumps. After a few pumps, I came onto his stomach. Dean finished soon after and exhaustingly fell on top of me.

“So good, so tight. Fuck Cas.” Dean babbled at me tiredly. His hands skimmed my sides, then he said the words I could never get out of my mind…

“ I love you, Cas. So fucking much.” I smiled up at him, giving him a long soft kiss.

“I love you too.”

••••••••••••

I drained all the water in the sink and dried my hands off on my jeans. I went into my room and turned on the TV. The news was on, and I listen to all the updates from around the city. It's mostly the usual stuff, like who won the latest baseball game and a robbery from a gas station not to far from my house.

“Looks like The Royals will be heading to the World Series! Bring it home, boys!” I chuckled to myself. It's only been 50 years since they've won the World Series.

I sit down at my desk and attempt to finish my charcoal sketch of Dean. 

Dean was very hard to draw, I always got the feeling that I couldn't get the depth of his eyes right, or the height of his cheekbones. He was to beautiful to put onto a piece of paper.

I get charcoal all over the sleeve of my shirt and the skin on my arms, usually I would mind, but looking into almost-Dean’s eyes was enough to hold my interest. 

I heard the front door slam and knew who it was by the sound of their feet padding lightly on the wooden floor.

“Cassie? Are you here?” Charlie's voice vocalizes through out the apartment.

“Yeah, I'm back here.” I close my sketchbook and swivel the chair around to see Charlie peeking her head in from around the door.

“Hey, what's up?”

“Nothing much, I invited Dean over to watch a movie with us. That okay with you?” I bit down on the top of my charcoal pencil, the wood slightly giving in to the pressure. She smiled.

“Yeah, of course. I bought some junk food for the movie. Mostly just jerky, nachos and fruit roll-ups.” My eyes lit up at the mention of food. She giggled.

“Sounds awesome. Dean is gonna be here after he gets out of work. He said he would pick up popcorn on the way over.” She hugged my shoulders before leaving the room.

••••••••••••

Dean came over and watched the movies with us and as promised, he bought popcorn. The movie was my favorite, Dean knew that so he paid close attention to everything.

“Dude, the son is a total ass to his dad.” He spoke sideways to me.

“Yeah, but it's supposed to make the end even more bittersweet. Just watch.” He lean back against the sofa and I leaned against him. But he wasn't able to keep quiet for long.

“How the fuck can one person order that many flowers over night?” I sigh.

“Dean, it's just a movie. Now shut your pretty mouth and watch.” His laugh resonated in his chest. I smile at the sound.

••••••••••••

The next day, I packed a small overnight bag. Charlie had to work tonight, so I decided to spend the night with Dean. I hated being alone in an empty apartment. I had a fear of being burgled or dying for some unexplainable reason.

He arrived around noon.

“Hey stranger. Long time, no see.” He smiled his cocky signature smile as he pulled up to the curb outside of my apartment building.

“Dean, it's only been, like, 11 hours since I last saw you.” He rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, too long.” I smiled and hopped into his car, throwing my bag in the backseat in the process. I put my hand on his cheek and give him a long kiss. 

Leather and mint.

He chuckles and faces the car, turning the key over and driving off. The drive is mostly silent, but it's one of the silences that you appreciate. He rubs a thumb over the back of my palm.

“Wouldn't you just love to travel the country, in baby? Maybe settle down somewhere nicer than here? Buy a big house, white picket fence. You know, the American dream. Like in that movie we watched last night.” His eyes get that look, the look where he's so filled with hope and satisfaction.

“It's just a movie Dean. Tim Burton has a way of making things look more appealing than they actually are.” He shakes his head in disagreement.

“Just imagine, sharing the same bed, sipping tea on the porch. Living our lives together. Turning into wrinkly, crotchety married old men,” He smiles into the distance. The car stops at a stoplight. “And we'd still be as sexually active as we are now.” He shoots me a wink.

I squeeze his hand and smile. “That'd be nice Dean.” He looks over at me before leaning in and sweeping his lips over mine. I look away.

“That'd be nice.”


	4. Chapter Four

Once we get to Dean's apartment, I drop my bags by the front door and slump onto his couch. Deans apartment is a studio gallery, basically one big room, aside from the bathroom.

He has a small kitchen area, a dining area with a circular table and a few chairs, all crafted and styled differently. In the corner, stood a tall built-in shelf that held books, movies, records and CD's.

He has a big living space, that consists of a couch, an old TV, and a little area that has a guitar and drum set. Then in the very back, he has a makeshift room, the walls were just blankets and inside of the room he had a bed, some dollies that he hung his clothes on, and another tv.

Throughout the apartment he had posters hanging from the walls, different movies and musicians. Dean lived on the top floor so he had a nice view of the city. From his bedroom window, when I stood on the tops of my toes I could see Union Station.

"You're hogging the sofa," Dean scoffed at me and shoved my legs off the couch, sitting next to me. "Scoot."

I sat straight up and put my legs on the opposite side of myself. He pulled me closer and kissed my temple. He was warm and his stubble ran across my cheekbone as he did so. I smiled. My eyes shifted over to his guitar.

"I've never heard you play, you know." He looked up and glanced at his guitar.

"Yeah, Maybe I'll write you a song sometime." I laughed into his neck and poked his side.

"You're such a softie." I said. He chuckled.

"Hey now, I'm not a softie! I just happen to be a softie for the people I love." He kissed my jaw. I clutched the front of his shirt, and sighed.

"I love you," he pulled me closer as I whispered the words.

"I know," He stated. I laughed and pushed him off of me. He had a smile on his face.

"Jerk! I said I love you!" He laughed and pulled me back into his chest.

"I love you too, Cas." His breath was warm as it hit the top of my head.

"You better," I looked into his eyes, and he kissed me, soft and sweet.

We stayed like that for a while. Just basking in the peace and quiet of the moment. There were times when it was just the two of us, doing nothing but enjoying each other's presence. These were the moments I loved the most.

I nuzzled his neck affectionately and kissed his collarbone. He laughed quietly and smiled to himself, eyes still closed.

Dean spoke up, "How do your parents feel about you being gay?" His question made me stiffen my shoulders, only for a passing moment. Though we have been spending practically everyday together since that day in the record shop, we haven't really talked about our pasts.

I mean obviously we talked about the basic, 'When did you first this,' and, 'When did you do that.' But it never got any deeper than the surface.

After the first time we met, I never questioned what caused him to want to tie that noose. And he never questioned the reason why I never talked about my parents.

"Well," I start off in a chalky voice. "Obviously they didn't like the idea of it. My dad never knew who I really was, I don't think he would have minded though. He wouldn't have liked it, but he would still treat me the same."

Dean nodded his head in understanding, his hands rubbing my back in a slow, lazy pattern. I looked up at patient green eyes, and continued. "He died," I paused to collect my calmness. Dean said nothing as I did so. I couldn't face him. I pushed myself off the couch, and went to look out the window.

"It was a heart attack. And the doctors couldn't do too much about it. He was fine for a while. But then, he had another one, and he was alone." I sucked in a breath slowly. I bit on my nail, out of habit.

"My mom, she turned into quite a witch after he died. She couldn't look at me, she used to say that I had my fathers eyes. It was her favorite feature on him. And after that, I just don't think her heart could take it."

Suddenly, Dean is behind me, fingers squeezing my shoulder in reassurance. I put my hand over his. His warm, solid, comforting hands.

"It broke her. And she started to resent me. So, when I told her what I was. She told me I had 3 days and she was kicking me out. So I called up Charlie and asked if I could stay with her for a while, she was lonely and said it was fine."

I turned around to look Dean straight in the eyes. "It's been a year, and we haven't talked since. I don't mind too much though, and I have a feeling she's fine without me too."

Dean nodded his head before leaning his head on mine. I closed my eyes and welcomed his warmth. He was so close and his heat came off of him in waves. Dean leaned his head down and kissed me with a sweet tenderness that I had never known before him.

I opened my eyes only to find Dean staring at me, as if he was seeing me for me for the very first time. His fingers traced my bottom lip while his other hand gripped the window, tightly. I looked deep into this mans eyes and just felt the depth of ourselves. The depth of what we were and who we were. He was Dean, my Dean. And I, his.


End file.
